Travel Lessons – Bali Blog

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Whilst bored of the cold with only a few minutes at a time spent properly connecting to nature, I was pretty happy in Melbourne. I had a lot of work on that I really enjoyed and was getting a real handle on things.

Polina wanted to travel. I didn’t really. So much so that we only booked the flights a two and a bit weeks before leaving (and only then as I needed to set dates for the next month).

I was in the Melbourne machine.

 

My body was small and stiff. Being winter I didn’t care and barely took the time to notice anyway. The reasonable significant ‘warning sign’ was that my right foot (masculine) kept getting sore and my posture as a whole was horrendous as a build up on regularly spending 14 hours driving a bus in an ergonomically challenged seat.

Being in the machine, all I cared about was saying ‘yes’ and getting a job done. Eating, sleeping and sorting out errands in my time off so I could be riding high back on the horse the next day.

I was highly disconnected from my body, and as part of that, the real ‘me’.

 

As well as my body acting like it was 40, my creative drive was LOW. I was happy to get work done as it came to me, rather than create and generate. My time off was uninspired and I preferred to work. I looked to others and things for enjoyment, fulfillment and a quick fix.

I forgot myself.

And I didn’t even realize it.

Thankfully, Polina did and would not stop until I finally did realize it and it sunk into my skull.

 

It took a week of the holiday for my systems to wind down.

I kept turning on wifi to send emails and manage the comings and going of house sitters.

I missed working.

I felt bored.

I considered flying back early.

 

I was just about writhing in a straitjacket rather than having a relaxing holiday.

After so many weeks and months of running around, getting things done, smashing it out, clearing the To Do List (and forever adding to it), the truth finally sunk in.

 

Life is great. I needed to stop selling myself short, serving others all the time, and realize and feel within me the inspiration to do what was exactly best for me. My highest expression and contribution to myself and the world. Everything I was doing was merely a PATH to being that.

Whilst I am SO deeply grateful for, love and have so much passion for all that I do, I needed another reminder.

EVERYTHING CONNECTS.

 

If I am neglecting my body, my life doesn’t work.

If I ‘don’t have time’ to relax, seek to have fun with my friends, connect with and look after my family and set time alone to be 100% true and inspired within myself,

SOMETHING IS AMISS.

We live in an illusion of time.

I hear many people say ‘time doesn’t exist’.

“That’s why I need to do it and have it done NOW” has been my inherent reflex of late.

The best time is NOW. Clearly parts of me were acting from a self destructive perspective of, ‘…Or never!’

Fortunately that’s not how it works.

The time is now for everything. There’s no need to rush or neglect a single thing.

Everything is important. I need to chill. Act swiftly, efficiently, passionately, calmly, aggressively, caringly, lovingly, selfishly, and with zero thought or reservation for ‘myself’.

 

I need to sharpen my axe so a typical task, conversation, decision or action takes an hour rather than three. I need to fill up my cup so I’m overloaded with love. I need to shine so bright that no one can ever take it away. I want to feel so good that nothing can take it away.

As corny as it may sound, I want to make the most of every day.

I want to feel creative, smart, lovely, charismatic and be so full, loaded, bursting and bustling with warmth and kindness that anything life throws at me is an enormous blessing that adds to my day.

Sometimes all we need is a break. A true break from it all. To go through our heaven and hell. To live and let go. To express and exude. To soak and devour, love and deflower.

Why do ‘we’ as well as ‘me’ afford this so rarely? It’s the greatest investment we can ever make.

 

For too many months I have to at least some degree been going through the motions. ‘Yeah sounds great’ when I don’t feel it within my soul. “Hey great to meet you’ when I’d rather be at home. “That’s amazing” when I really couldn’t give a toss. “Thank you for that” when it’s just another task for the day.

I felt incongruent. Not me. Not present. Not caring.

And I felt bad about it. Guilty. Shameful. Wrong.

But it wasn’t ‘me’. It was the lack of ‘me’.

 

The solution was not to be hard on myself. Admonish myself. Tell myself to be more real and caring on the inside.

The solution was to be more self loving. Invest in myself. My soul. Love it. Feel it. Connect to it. Nurture it. Appreciate it and honour it more than I ever have before.

Our truth is inspiration.

Not what someone else says we should think/do/feel/believe.

Our truth is our f&(king truth. NOT SOMEONE ELSES.

Ironically it’s often the same thing! It’s just that we need to find it ourself!

That’s what travelling through life is about.

Finding ourselves. Returning back to the start. Collapsing it all. Mourning the heap. Gathering our things. Rising to newer and greater heights that we could only have imagined before.

I read recently about the ‘Five Masks of Masculinity’ (see Hack #9). It goes through the main ego images we have of our selves that we use to make ourselves feel good. Unfortunately; the second they fall, we usually do too.

 

Five Masks of Masculinity

We need to find ourselves within ourselves so that nothing anybody says, thinks, projects, expects, wants, demands and manipulates using religious/family/cultural shame and blame to coerce us to submit our free choice and open will in order to comply is effective anymore.

Let go of what people think. And you can do and be what you please.

 

Choose what’s best for you.

Weather the storms and observe others as they withhold their conditional love.

Know that the only love we can truly feel bubbles up from within our soul.

Feel your spirit soar even when others sit back to watch you crash, happy they chose the ‘easy’ way.

Experience the might of truly standing on your own two feet with the knowing that it was YOU that made it. not anyone else. YOU MADE IT BY BEING YOU!

A life that’s best for you is made by you, for you, with you, as you!

Don’t try and hide it

If you don’t like something don’t do it!

If its boring, lame, archaic, repulsive, hollow…. STOP.

Turn the other way. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Lovingly offer an alternative and hold strong when they laugh and scoff.

 

shakespeare quote

 

Every time we judge something we are only judging ourselves!

We THINK we’d never do THAT.

WELL.

Life has a way of showing us the other side… not so easy THEN is it???

Imagine truly BEING THEM.

How they’ve suffered. How they feel hollow, angry, scared and alone.

Maybe they don’t like it. Or maybe they DO.

 

The point is that it is their life and their choice.

We never know what’s just around the corner.

How things are due to change.

 

Live with the care and the knowing that whatever person/situation/decision/action… it could have been or perhaps could be you.

So in the same way, AFFORD YOURSELF the love and care of being true to yourself in the moment without the judgment of yourself as we all so often judge others.

ALLOW YOURSELF to say/think/feel/act exactly what is real for you.

Let it flow and it can go.

It’s the FEAR of something… whether it be an action, thought or feeing that affords it power. When we BE OK with it, usually the moment will pass.

WE don’t’ actually NEED to be/say/do that… just that we love and care for ourselves enough for it to be ok.

The moment we stop REPRESSING how we think and feel, we f$#king LAUGH!

How childishly stupid we were. How pathetic that was.

We don’t actually NEED that. We’re just feeling insecure without ourselves so are seeking some external ego validation or control.

 

ALLOW IT ALL TO FLOW.

FEEL THE FEELING.

BE THE ILLUSION AND REALISE ITS FALSE!!!

 

As an example just in case it isn’t clear, take the situation of self-indulgently ordering a chocolate cake that you know you don’t really ‘need’ and will not be ‘good’ for you. (It’s a common situation for which we can either relate or substitute for something similar).

Who cares that it’s ‘unhealthy’ and full of weight gaining fat and sugar, gluten etc etc etc. Who cares that its exorbitantly expensive and could be better and cheaper by walking 50m down the road. Don’t worry that you’re being self indulgent – that’s a good thing!!!

How many times this day/week/month/year/life have you been non-self indulgent? How many times have you put your own wants and needs and reflexes aside to serve, support and help others? How much pressure does that put you under at times? How strongly held is your own ego perspective of yourself being totally perfect when everyone else is not?

Is any of that 100% healthy, sustainable, fun, creative and self caring?

NO!

Will you enjoy the pleasure of asking for it, feeling your mouth water, carefully spiking it with your fork and in slow motion raising it up for a sneaky whiff of its fragrant aroma and then self indulgently clamping it down by your lips and paring it off the fork only for the sugars to dissolve in your mouth and the chocolate received by thousands of taste receptors so that your body will release feel good hormones throughout your body knowing that the first taste is the best and you’ll probably smash the rest way too quickly without savoring it enough and feeling sick and weak and guilty as you walk away but also quietly GLEAMING with the satisfaction that YOU DID IT purely for yourself in that moment?

 

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO

NB:

Whilst is ‘should’ be obvious, I’m not recommending words and actions that are inherently abusive.

It’s also recommended to assess the context of the situation you’re in, as some may spiral irrevocably downwards, whereas others will be with those that are self aware, know these ‘spiritual’ type teachings and are able to ‘hold space’ within themselves for your outbursts and tantrums to occur with the knowing that its ‘your shit’, you’ll chill out soon and all is well overall.

 

 

OTHER LESSIONS LEARNED

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